What if’s, What is and What Could Be

Such a beautiful mind; so visual, many different thoughts interrupted by other thoughts. it’s like an old film camera playing in my head of what ifs, what is, and what could be. I’m the only one who can see it, so on the outside looking in I look and sound crazy to others, but this mind is so powerful. It’s so hauntingly beautiful, that if people could just see and hear what’s in it maybe they too would understand how I feel, who I am, the fact that I struggle trying to quiet this mind constantly, just to try and keep up with others and even myself. It takes control of me at times, and I try so hard to kill it because it can get dark. It can get scary. It can turn on me at any moment but perhaps maybe, just maybe the irony of it being so hauntingly beautiful isn’t so bad after all; Im not the only one who gets lost in their own thoughts of what ifs, what is and what could be.We all walk around with these thoughts and emotions, yet most of us are silent and when one speaks out we get shunned, looked at funny, called crazy. Perhaps the other hauntingly beautiful minds are waiting for the other ones; to feel and have a sense of belonging, a sense of companionship, that someone understands what they are going through, what they feel, what they see, the same what ifs, what is and what could be. And once they find those hauntingly beautiful similar minds they feel free, but these are just my loud crazy thoughts; loud enough in my head to make me believe that I am saying them aloud, so I sit here with my what ifs, what is and what could be as I watch people pass by, eyes glued to their cell phones, so oblivious to what’s right in front of them, what’s within them; eyes glued to their phones when they are with someone, just put the phone down and talk to each other! Eyes glued to their phones that are numbing and suppressing their own thoughts, feelings and hauntingly beautiful minds, turning them into robots, as they are being programmed because we are all programmed; since the day we were born are beautiful minds became someone else’s until we break the cycle, until we take that pill to break the matrix, and fall deep down the rabbit hole of being awake, and feeling, but when we do it’s lonely; its so much more lonely because you see and feel what others are blinded to, you are not in the loop of the mainstream media, you are not aware who this “Karen” is that you hear so much about, you hate tiktok and don’t even know why it’s a thing or what it is, you aren’t following a trend, or saying all these catch phrases and lines from certain shows or whatever the fuck people are talking about! So my what ifs, what is, and what could be just stay in my head, until I release them through written words, through art, or until I come across another, who feels yet the same, where we can talk or even be in silence with our what ifs, what is and what could be hauntingly beautiful minds.

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